The world and culture we live in today have become increasingly casual towards the idea of marijuana. It is becoming mainstream in music, literature and the daily activities of everyday life. The constant appearance of marijuana makes it appear as something “cool” and necessary in order to fit in.
That was exactly what I wanted. I just wanted to be accepted and gain popularity. I felt like by using marijuana, it would be the easiest way to achieve my goals. At the time, I was always ignored and seen as a sort of outcast.
Because of this mind-set, in the eighth grade I thought it would be a good idea to smoke marijuana on school grounds. I just wanted the experience and to see for myself what all the hype was about.
Someone I knew obtained it for me and then he gave it to me at school. On that same day, several other individuals, as well as myself, went to the gymnasium and smoked.
After smoking a decent amount, I began to feel extremely and increasingly socially awkward. At least more than usual. I somehow had forgotten all of my social skills and lost my confidence. I have been very self-conscious for as long as I can remember now, but these feelings were intensified to the point where I just wanted to go home alone. I started to feel paranoid and had maximized obsessive thoughts. It was almost unbearable.
I was extremely aware of my surroundings, constantly thinking that we would get caught. And that was exactly what happened. Later on in the day, I was called down to the office. Apparently, one of the individuals that smoked with me thought it would funny to post a video on Snapchat. The word must have got out about what was happening because then the principal found out.
They contacted my parents of course, and banned me from school grounds for the rest of the school year. I was also banned from school activities such as formal. I was extremely upset. It was my last chance to spend quality time with my friends before we all separated for the summer and attended different high schools.
Because of this, I emailed the principal apologizing and admitting to my wrong doings. I showcased my deep regret, reflecting on my actions and told her expressively that I would never do such an act again.
In the end, I realized that it was not worth it at all. You might think it is cool because many others do it. However, just because others do it does not mean you should. You do not have to stoop down to their level. You might not realize it, you might not be able to see it, but the drug is negatively affecting your body and your mind.
Doing drugs is not only going to hurt you in the long run, but it will also hurt others around you. I experienced first hand that friends, respect and most importantly, trust will be lost. Some of my closest friendships were ruined as a result of this crime I committed, it was the most saddening and isolating period of my life. No one wanted to be around me because they thought I was a “pot head”.
People that are using marijuana think that it is not a big deal. But I would never wish upon the struggles that resulted from this one mistake to ever happen to anyone else. Even to this day, I have never fully regained my parent’s trust.
Marijuana may seem innocent in the eyes of teenagers today, it may be legal in some states, but that does not mean it is safe. Not only does it harm the physical, but it also harmed my emotional and mental state. Some would say that I got off “easy”, but it made me realize the negative impact of my actions.
I will never do it again because all I feel now is shame and regret.