Noah and Stephen are in a fight to the death. Stephen is wearing a bowtie and Noah, dimwitted as usual, is sporting a necktie. As Noah grabs at Stephen, gripping nothing, Stephen reaches in, grabs the necktie and takes Noah down. Noah is toast. Someone better pick him up.
This is one of many reasons why neckties are not practical in the 21st century. They are, in fact, downright dangerous.
The world is now moving forward into a brighter future.
Bowties, the non-dangerous, classy, yet hipster, alternative to neckties, are the way to go. I do not wear neckties any longer, due to their unhygienic, dangerous, and non-stylish attributes.
A necktie is essentially a noose around your neck.
Not only are neckties dangerous, but they are very unhygienic. It’s basically a magnet for germs and other gross things. Think of all of the things you do throughout the day. Eating, coughing, sneezing, using the loo, etc.
How often do you wash your neckties? Never. Who does that? Paying $2 to get a piece of silk fabric dry-cleaned that you only wear maybe two times a year is not worth it. A necktie washed at home shrinks in a washing machine and becomes about four inches long. Only your cat could wear those ties for those “I Can Haz Cheezburger” photos.
Bowties, especially those made of cotton, are simple to clean, quickly and easily in the comfort of your own home. Cotton fabric does not get ruined if you throw the tie in the wash with your socks. This creates a more hygienic and clean smelling tie, better for attracting women.
For doctors, wearing a necktie while working is very impractical because it is always in the way and picks up germs that sick patients carry. Bowties are making a comeback for doctors, more specifically cotton bowties because they can be washed as often as necessary.
Bowties are also a lot more stylish. When choosing between a bowtie and a simple necktie, it would be like the choice between chocolate and brussels sprouts. There is no question in the matter.
Bowties have always been revered as the classiest of the two ties. When going to a orchestral concert or a movie premiere, all of the important people wear bowties. Who wears a necktie with a tuxedo?
When you watch the Academy Awards almost all the men who want to look classy are wearing a bowtie. They try to woo the crowd through their bowties and dashing good looks.
Harrison Ford, Abraham Lincoln, Ryan Gosling, and Chris Brown have all worn bowties. What were they trying to prove? That not all bowtie wearers are nerds?
Even the awe-inspiring Bill Nye the Science Guy sports a bowties as much as possible. He knows that his bowties make him look classy, not like a dork, which he most certainly is not.
Bowties can even give those who do not want to be too classy a hipster feel about them. Pretty soon everyone will be wearing bowties because it will be a fashion statement saying, “Here I am. Here is my bowtie. Get over it.” Skaters, ice cream salesmen and trash men will all be wearing bowties.
Anyone can wear a bowtie! These ties are not prejudiced in any way. They are accepting of all, and can make the unfashionable become glamorous. The uprising trend in popularity of the bowtie has been enormous in America. The style is coming back.
Now ladies, although I haven’t checked Elle recently, or whatever style magazines are out there, I am pretty sure that the majority of women do not wear ties. But I urge you to convert your men! Do them all a favor. Help them out. Buy your favorite guy a bowtie this year!
See how I tied it all together like that? Yep. I went there.
